Genital Integrity is a basic human right.

A educational blog about routine infant circumcision and intactivism.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

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In Awe of His Perfection

I remember so vividly, calling from the bathroom to my husband, who had just crawled into bed, "You know honey, I haven't had any braxton hicks contractions today, but I just have a feeling...my water is going to break." Oh, the powers of women's intuition! I finished brushing my teeth, layed down beside him, and tried to get settled. I hadn't even fallen asleep yet when I felt a very strong, low kick...I turned over and felt a gush, and jumped out of bed exclaiming to my husband that it was finally time.

Labor was a beautiful challenge...and I had incredible support from both friends and family. Time didn't exist, only the present, I was so 'in the moment'. Hours seemed like minutes. And before I knew it, he was being tumbled onto my belly, wide-eyed and wet, completely silent...he hadn't even taken his first breath. I used my finger to clear his mouth, rubbed his back and the soles of his feet, until he began to breathe, and his skin color warmed. Tears well up in my eyes even now as I write this, because I can picture his face like it was yesterday...those dark, shiney eyes staring into mine full of innocent wisdom and the purest trust, how he recognized my voice, and my first words to him, "Welcome to the world, little one!"

I looked him over head to toe and marveled at his beauty and every little, precious detail. His skin was so incredibly soft, his little lips so pink, little fingers, hands, and toes. How can something that happens every few seconds on this planet be so miraculous?_His birth had been long awaited, and the pregnancy deeply wanted after our first had ended in the grief of miscarriage. Because of this, I was all the more greatful for the healthy, flawless, amazing child in my arms. I finally felt "lucky" again...and I have never been more proud of myself or my body, I felt so strong and powerful...and blessed.

I was truly in awe of his perfection. And even from those very first moments I felt something else...a very strong bond to my child---my child!---I was a mother, and my protective instinct was fierce...How primal! My son didn't leave my sight, even for a moment, during our stay at the hospital.

Thinking back to it now, I can't imagine handing him to a nurse or doctor to leave my room, and be out of my sight, even for a few minutes. Nor can I imagine, following along with them into a little room, with a sterile counter covered in gauze, needles, iodine, clamps, and other impliments of surgery. My baby was perfect, everything was there, everthing completely developed and purposeful and complete and precious...I loved every part of him, all of him.

My heart aches, to imagine his little newborn body, helpless and trusting, unwrapped and exposed to the chill of hospital air after being inside me, so warm and cozy and safe for so long...out of my arms, undiapered, his back against a rigid, plastic board molded into the shape of a baby...having his legs stretched and pulled away from his body, and then put snugly into velcro straps to restrain them.

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